A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
TEASER
EXT. A NICE QUIET STREET - WINDSOR TERRACE, BROOKLYN - DAY
Staring up toward the morning sun, a majestic 100 year old MAPLE TREE gently sways with the breeze. Almost three stories tall, the tree has lost some luster, but is still full of life.
Beneath the tree are two picturesque row houses. Our luscious tree sits in the backyard of one older house overlooking the other, currently in renovation.
Like watching a living portrait, ALAN and ELAINE, a kindly middle-aged couple from the older home, wave to their new millennial neighbors, HALEY and WYATT.
Alan reads a crime thriller novel from his porch bench.
Elaine waters the flowers in her garden.
Haley cradles and coos at her newborn BABY GIRL.
Wyatt directs a group of MOVERS carefully lifting a tasteful mid-century modern sideboard up their front steps.
INT. KITCHEN - HALEY & WYATT’S HOUSE - LATER THAT AFTERNOON
The baby sleeps soundly in her chic bassinet as Haley gathers ingredients for a very complex GREEN JUICE. Haley, 33, confident and comfortable in her stylish, billowing clothes, is one ring-light away from becoming an Instagram #momfluencer.
Although the kitchen is complete, the rest of the house is a working construction zone with MOVERS, CARPENTERS and ELECTRICIANS dodging each other in the background.
As she prepares her juice, Haley turns DIRECTLY TO CAMERA and begins to speak to us. (NOTE: We are an OMNISCIENT AUDIENCE. We are not another person in the room. Haley, like the other characters in our story, will always speak directly to camera unless otherwise noted. They will always tell us the truth, or at least their version of the truth.)
HALEY
They’re literally so cute, I want to vomit. Alan and Elaine, our neighbors. He’s got his little shorts on while she putters around the garden. “You have to promise,” I tell Wyatt, “You have to swear that we’ll be exactly like them when we’re old. I want the bob haircut and the rusting junk on the front porch. Every bit of it. I can’t stand it, they’re perfect.” All Wyatt says is: “Let’s focus on choosing paint for the den first.” Always the Taurus. Elaine’s house is a burst of color. This morning, while daddy was in “Fountainhead” architect mode, I let Charlotte crawl around in the backyard and she went straight for the dug out sludge near Elaine’s beautiful maple tree, where the fire pit’s going in. I couldn’t help but shriek when I got a look at her as a Tough Mudder, all but ruining this adorable little dress I found online that was like the baby version of a Gucci dress Meghan Markle wore for British Vogue. But then, like magic, Elaine popped her bob up over the fence and saved the day.
Haley begins to stuff her ingredients into a large JUICER.
HALEY (CONT’D)
Our bathroom is currently a concrete war zone and I’m still waiting on my washing machine to ship, so she took us in to use hers. I was mortified, tracking gunk everywhere, but Elaine just laughed it off. She says, “Living with Alan, is like living with a slobbering Saint Bernard. This house hasn’t been clean since 1994.” She wasn’t kidding. There was cat hair everywhere, but I never saw a cat. The kitchen was painted this like insanely bright Target red. The bathroom was covered in depression era drooping floral wallpaper. The living room was a kind of mossy swamp green, not unlike this juice.
Haley turns on the juicer, which immediately wakes the now crying baby.
HALEY (CONT’D)
Shit.
INT. STUDY - HALEY & WYATT’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Haley, now in fashionable workout clothes, stuffs the baby into some kind of bouncing contraption. She takes a swig of her green juice and turns to us as she prepares to ride her PELOTON BIKE.
HALEY
I love being a real neighbor. Twelve years, we lived in Greenpoint and I don’t think I ever said more than a ‘howdy’ to a soul on our floor. Granted, our building was mostly Russian and Chinese gajillionaires parking cash, so there wasn’t anybody there to talk to anyhow.
An ELECTRICIAN walks past the room and stops to ogle at Haley as she rides.
HALEY (CONT’D)
But now we have a true home, at least we will when Wyatt’s done tearing it apart. And I’m in love with the neighborhood. It’s really discovering its potential. I counted three Shiba Inu on this block already and I think the old, gross laundromat around the corner is going to become a wine store. I was so nervous when we bought this house because we’re basically the first people to move here. But Elaine is like O.G. and she says this house needed us. I wanted to cry. I begged them to come over for dinner tonight. I’m making my own kale gnocchi.
(pause)
I think that guy’s staring at my --
INT. BASEMENT - ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - MEANWHILE
Alan, 60, a slightly gruff man of creature comforts, wearing old gym shorts and a USPS T-shirt, fiddles with a BREAKER BOX. Alan turns to us.
ALAN
I told Wyatt straight off, “These houses are absolute garbage. They’re not so slowly sinking into the ground, the taxes are ridiculous and it may look quaint and cozy, but my Subaru’s been broken into at least a half-dozen times. Jerk-offs even snatched all my best Marvin Gaye CDs.” “Who’s Marvin Gaye again,” he asked. Uh-oh.
Alan flips a switch on the breaker and all the lights go out.
ELAINE (O.C.)
THAT’S NOT IT!
Alan flips another switch and the lights come back on.
ALAN
It’s all my fault really. We were all set to move to sleepy Long Island when we got married. There was an opening in sorting at the Hauppauge branch that my buddy Ron was holding for me. It wasn’t front counter, but it was better than working the truck. But then my spinster aunt Kelli died and left me her flipping house. And of course Elaine falls in love with it. So then I’m forced to live in Brooklyn. And this is Brooklyn in the late 80s. This is killing grounds Brooklyn. Now I’m this close to cashing in my pension and sailing a sloop down to Boca, with or without Elaine.
Alan gives up on the breaker and goes to play laptop solitaire on the couch.
ALAN (CONT’D)
“How much did you drop on the house,” I ask. “We settled on a good price,” he says. “Plus I’m an architect at Hansen-Paulaner,” like that means diddly to me, “and this house is going to be my calling card.” “If you paid over one and a half then you were had,” I tell him. I think I hurt the kid’s feelings.
ELAINE (O.C.)
DID YOU FIX IT?!
ALAN
(calling up to Elaine)
Almost got it!
INT. DEN - HALEY & WYATT’S HOUSE - MEANWHILE
Wyatt, 35, accommodating but intensely driven, wearing the slacker-prep clothes Haley bought for him, bounces between his BLUEPRINTS and measuring various walls. Wyatt turns to us.
WYATT
It’s always about light. And air. But truly it’s more about light. Mr. Mueller is always yelling, “Let there be light!” Talk about a boss with a god complex, but he’s not wrong. “I just want open concept,” Haley says. Like she actually knows what that means. I get that mom wants to cook Sunday dinner while making sure baby doesn’t poke her eye out in the living room. But honestly, you may as well live in an airplane hangar if that’s all you care about. Of course, this wall will have to go. Steel beam across the top. Stairs open out over here. Blow out the back wall, make it all a single pane of glass. When Mueller sees this place...This is my ticket out of corporate retail hell. Design one Aldo to look halfway decent and suddenly I’m the Philip Johnson of mid-priced apparel. People are such sheep. “This is why you never give the client exactly what they want,” Mueller says, “You tell them how it must be.” He’s basically a nazi. This place is a steal, I don’t care what the crotchety mailman next door thinks. Plus the schools are good and all that jazz.
Wyatt takes a nearby SLEDGEHAMMER and makes a big hole in one wall. He puts his hand up in front of the hole to judge the light.
WYATT (CONT’D)
Why is it still so dark in here?
EXT. BACKYARD GARDEN - ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - MEANWHILE
ELAINE, 60, a bit of a busybody who could desperately use some excitement, sports tattered overalls as she uses large SHEARS to prune some hedges under the maple tree.
ELAINE
“That house needs love,” I told her, “That’s what makes it your home.” Janice, the woman that owned the house before would just camp out on the front porch all day smoking her pipe. It was actually fairly menacing, the more I consider it. I wonder if Elaine and Wyatt know she died in there. In the tub is what I heard. With the pipe. “Were we ever that young,” I asked Alan. “Were we ever that in love?” “They’re just loopy from the asbestos they’re dragging out of that place,” he says. Then the fridge went out again and he skulked down to the basement to futz with the wiring because God forbid we hire a professional. I was that young once. I wasn’t that thin, but I was that young. This maple was almost half the size it is now.
Elaine stares up at the tree, really considering it.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
I love this tree. I asked Alan when we first moved in, “Just answer this, do they have trees like this maple in Long Island?” “Not like this one,” he said, to his credit. Now he says it may start cracking our patio. Lost a little color too. I don’t know where my handsome young husband went, but he left a cranky troll in the basement. I can see straight into their house from here. It’s like a giant terrarium. Like a TV show. They knocked out all the brick and installed giant panes of glass down the whole side. They’re so full of life, so free. No shades anywhere. I can see him running around with his protractor. I can see her playing dress up with that precious little baby. I watched them in there last night fucking like acrobats.
With a big SNIP of the shears, Elaine peers over the fence.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
I cannot wait to check out that kitchen.
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - HALEY & WYATT’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Elaine watches as Haley, glowing from her workout, joins Wyatt on the patio and the couple share a passionate kiss.
Beside the picture perfect couple, their baby plays in the grass. She begins to crawl right to us.
As if from the perspective of the baby, we crawl through the grass and look up at the magnificent maple tree, glistening in the light.
A distant CRACK is heard from the tree top. A piece of BRANCH from the tree canopy above shoots down straight toward the baby and us.
ACT ONE
SHOT: THE MAPLE TREE LOSING ANOTHER LEAF.
SHOT: A MANGLED TREE BRANCH IN THE GRASS.
SHOT: DROPS OF BLOOD ON KITCHEN TILE.
SHOT: A SPILLED GREEN JUICE DRIPPING OFF A TABLE.
EXT. ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY
Alan, visibly annoyed and covered in sweat, bags up TREE CLIPPINGS.
ALAN
They’re all screaming bloody murder, all but the baby, who couldn’t care less. My cousin cut a piece of my ear off when I was a little kid, playing barbershop. Ran bleeding through the kitchen. My aunt just laughed and poured a jug of Iodine on it. After a day or two I totally forgot about the whole thing. Cousin and I were too busy shooting each other with BB guns. You just grow out of it, is all. Elaine, Wyatt Earp, the wife, all of them competing to have a brain aneurysm. It’s a tree, not a rabid dog. It can’t attack you. Barely a twig. Fell a good three feet away.
Alan breaks a larger branch in half with his bare foot.
ALAN (CONT’D)
I was planning to trim it down anyway.
INT. WAITING ROOM - DOCTOR’S OFFICE - TRIBECA - MEANWHILE
Wyatt nervously sits between an AU PAIR with an obnoxious middle school CHILD and a color-coordinated gay male COUPLE with their young DAUGHTER. Wyatt struggles to fill out some FORMS with dry PEN. He gets a text and checks his PHONE.
WYATT
What does he know? My brother. He does divorces and child custody, useless asking him. It doesn’t matter whether Charlotte’s technically injured or not if you scar her for life. The trauma and all that. That’s got to be a lawsuit. Emotional distress. Adult bedwetting and dyslexia, who knows what we’re in for? Hell, if not for Charlotte then for Haley & me. Alan acts the fool, but he knows exactly what he’s doing. Deny, deny, deny. Just a scratch? She almost lost an eye!
Wyatt BANGS his fist on a nearby coffee table and startles the room.
WYATT (CONT’D)
(to the room)
Sorry, pen wasn’t working.
INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DOCTOR’S OFFICE - TRIBECA - MEANWHILE
Haley stands by the DOCTOR as she inspects the laughing baby.
HALEY
Poor Elaine. Wyatt’s yelling at the Uber to hurry up like a flood’s a comin’. Refuses to take the Bolt because apparently it’s in some perfect parking spot right in front of the house. Why we even have the damn car...Then Alan saunters in, totally oblivious, shouting something crazy at Elaine like, “I can’t find my shoes, did you throw them away again?” Told her we’d reschedule dinner. It’s nobody’s fault. They didn’t know the tree was sick or dead or whatever.
INT. BEDROOM - ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
Elaine sits up in bed nursing a COCKTAIL while Alan snores next to her.
ELAINE
Maybe it did affect him a bit, getting his ear snipped. He told me again the whole sordid story with his deadbeat cousin. Ugh, Keith. Now that’s a Thanksgiving I’d like to forget. I said, “I’ve heard this ten times already. Must be a reason you keep telling it over and over again.” He said, “A little late to get the party started.” I said, “Well, it’s been a stressful day, now hasn’t it?” “What’s yesterday’s excuse then?” Then he flopped over like Shamu. Poor Haley. Her husband runs a bit manic. I said let’s try for lunch tomorrow instead.
Elaine gets out of bed, slips on some SLIPPERS and begins to leave as we follow.
INT. STAIRS - ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Elaine heads down the stairs.
ELAINE
I don’t sleep well, never have and now with the screens at work all day, they say that makes it worse. The Night Watchman, he’d call me.
INT. LIVING ROOM - ALAN & ELAINE’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Elaine grabs a BOTTLE OF VODKA from a minibar on the bookshelf and pours herself a refill.
ELAINE
Earlier tonight, I caught him eying tomorrow’s apple pie like a fat, old Tom Sawyer.
Elaine goes to sit on the couch. TWO CATS approach her from different areas of the house and sit on her lap.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
I said, “Tomorrow we follow the protocol. We come right out with it. Sit the elephant down and say we see you, we hear you.” He says, “What elephant?” He’s not really listening. “The elephant in the room,” I say. He says, “You’re the expert?”
Elaine empties the rest of the bottle into her glass and gets up to go outside.
EXT. BACKYARD GARDEN - ALAN & ELAINE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Elaine stuffs the empty vodka bottle deep into a TRASH BIN then walks through her garden toward the maple tree.
ELAINE
I tell him, “Conflict resolution is an aspect of my career. Human Resources is more than just explaining Blue Cross/Blue Shield.” Just last week there were two tellers going at it. Chomping at the bit. Nipped that in the bud right then and there.
Elaine spies through an UPSTAIRS WINDOW next door on Wyatt and Haley getting intimate.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
(re: Wyatt and Haley)
Always right after Colbert.
(back to the story)
I said, “Paul, we’ve got enough pens to take us to the moon and back. You can’t cry every time one takes a walk.” He felt pretty foolish, but I told him, “We all have our one thing. That thing that really flips our top. The trick is how we handle ourselves and stay civilized.”
Elaine takes out her PHONE and takes a picture of Wyatt and Haley. She zooms in to have a closer look.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
They’re a nice couple.
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - THE NEXT DAY
Our two couples sit together in front of an impressive VEGAN BARBECUE SPREAD, complete with a TABLESCAPE. Elaine’s pie is awkwardly placed to the side. They all appear to be enjoying MARGARITAS and in the middle of pleasant conversation. We focus in on Wyatt.
WYATT
(to Alan and Elaine)
It’s really no trouble at all.
(turning to camera)
I told him I’d pay for the whole excavation, or maybe we’d split it. We’d figure it out. Honestly, it’s a win-win for us both. He’s got the liability to consider, not to mention the thing sheds like a python. The bark snaps right off. It’s all over our yards. Also, it doesn’t really fit the design scheme of the neighborhood, but that would go right over his head.
We spin around to Alan for his say.
ALAN
The kid’s out of his fucking mind. Do me a favor? A total shakedown. The thing’s just molting, it’s totally normal. And what nut-job invites someone over for a barbecue and refuses to cook any meat? I feel like a rabbit sitting here. Sitting hare.
Alan chuckles to himself as we spin around to Elaine for her turn.
ELAINE
I’m just a bit confused. Maybe it’s the margaritas, but I think they want to chop down our maple tree. That can’t be right.
Haley gets up to clear the table and we follow her as she makes her way.
INT. KITCHEN - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Haley refills the MARGARITA PITCHER to half-full and tops the rest with TAP WATER. She makes a PEANUT BUTTER and JELLY SANDWICH.
HALEY
She’s a bit of a lush, didn’t see that coming. And he’s a real snore. I think they understand though. Besides the safety factor, and that it’s just a little sad to look at, Wyatt says the tree blocks our solar panels, which I could care less, but I admit it’d be nice to get more light in the bedroom.
Haley takes the sandwich, cuts it in half and carries it as we follow.
INT. BABY’S ROOM - HALEY & WYATT’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Haley enters to find a NANNY playing with the baby. Haley hands half the sandwich to the baby and another half to the nanny.
The nanny tries to hand Haley the baby, but Haley declines and shuts the door.
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Haley returns with fresh DESSERT PLATES to see Alan and Wyatt mid-argument. Alan tosses his NAPKIN down in disgust and gets up to leave. Elaine finishes her drink and follows him as they pass by Haley.
ELAINE
(to Haley)
Sorry dear, Alan’s not feeling well. Thank you so much. We had a lovely time.
(turning to camera)
This bitch wants to kill my tree!
Haley approaches Wyatt, who speaks to us as he walks past her into the house.
WYATT
It’s an eyesore, and it’s dead, and it’s coming down. And who the hell calls anyone a buffoon, anymore?!
INT. DEN - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Wyatt retrieves a LADDER and a HANDSAW next to a half-painted wall.
WYATT
Mr. Mueller says, “You tell them how it must be.”
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Wyatt sets up the ladder under the maple tree. Carrying the handsaw, he climbs the ladder.
WYATT
I spent twenty thousand dollars installing those solar panels. Happy to do it. Save the planet. It’s not hard to be a good person. To be a reasonable person. To be a good neighbor. But ask me to put my family at risk? Is that neighborly?
Wyatt starts SAWING off a piece of the tree.
WYATT (CONT’D)
And it blocks all the light!
Across from him we see the nanny and baby watching through the upstairs window. Below them Haley watches in horror.
Next door, Alan and Elaine race outside.
Elaine SCREAMS in fear as a SHADOW is cast over the scene.
ACT TWO
SHOT: A SHARP SURGICAL KNIFE CUTTING INTO BARK.
SHOT: A CELL PHONE CAMERA RECORDING SOMEONE AT NIGHT.
SHOT: WYATT’S CHEVY BOLT TAKING UP TWO PARKING SPACES.
SHOT: A SCOOP SHOVELING CAT LITTER.
INT. POST OFFICE - BROOKLYN - A FEW DAYS LATER
Alan works the front window at a busy, underfunded post office. He takes CUSTOMERS, weighing and stamping PACKAGES, as he talks.
ALAN
There are fourteen Arborists in the city of New York and all of them are shysters. It’s a ridiculous scam. They’re all in on it together, like a little green thumb mafia. If it were up to me...But Elaine loves that stupid tree. She grew up in the woods upstate. She’s always been a little hippie weirdo. Our first date, she took me camping. Lived in the city my whole life, thought I was sure to get eaten by a bear. But when you’re young, dumb and horny? College girl invites you to sleep with her in a tent? What are you going to do? Bear food, I guess.
Alan thinks about a fond memory for a moment.
ALAN (CONT’D)
She’s always been adventurous, love that about her. I paid for us to swim with dolphins on a cruise once, so I have my wild moments. Our tree doctor Kenny says Wyatt sent the tree branch, the branch he illegally removed from my property, to some competing tree guy named Larry. Now Wyatt’s saying that Larry says that our tree is dead and has been for almost a year. Doesn’t matter that the thing has leaves on it, it’s a zombie tree says this Larry per the jackass next door. But our guy Kenny, Kenny says the tree is healthy.
Alan pulls out and checks some of his HAND-WRITTEN NOTES.
ALAN (CONT’D)
Says that the canopy perimeter shape and the trunk flare show that the tree is good as gold. Larry doesn’t have these numbers, so he wouldn’t know. Like if you cut off your ear and hand it to a doctor, the guy can’t figure out if you’ve got cancer.
A CLERK comes by to hand Alan a pile of MAIL. Alan gives the clerk a firm handshake.
ALAN (CONT’D)
Looks like there’s a little issue with Wyatt’s mail.
Alan looks through Wyatt and Haley’s mail and tosses it in the GARBAGE CAN.
ALAN (CONT’D)
We should really fund our post offices properly.
INT. UPSCALE DESIGN STORE - MEANWHILE
Haley and her baby test out different PLUSH COUCHES. Haley gets a call on her PHONE, but silences it.
HALEY
Just text me, mother! I can’t talk to her anymore today. It’s not my fault her card for Charlotte got lost in the mail. She’ll just have to cancel the check and Venmo me like a person. I said, “The only mail I’ve received is a cease and desist letter from our horrible neighbors.” She said, “You sound stressed. It’s not good for your skin.” I said, “Yes, mom, I am stressed. The house is a mess, a tree almost fell on my daughter’s face and Wyatt’s about to murder the postman.” It’s really not an attractive look on Wyatt. “Have you bought tickets for Thanksgiving yet?” “I will, mother. It’s six months away.” “Is Wyatt going to eat anything?” “He’s a vegan, mom, he’ll eat the sides.” Then the long pause. “Okay,” she says. “Okay!”
Haley finds an extra comfortable couch. She sinks into it and waves to a SALES CLERK.
HALEY (CONT’D)
I miss hamburgers.
(to sales clerk)
I like this one.
INT. RETAIL CONSTRUCTION SITE - MEANWHILE
Wyatt and his CLIENTS take a tour of the site. The clients test out where they’d like to display SHOES.
WYATT
It’s a simple dream, the whole concept. Openness. Clean lines. Family. Home. Frank Lloyd Wright said, ‘Space is the breath of art.’ I’m suffocating in that house, not that Haley cares. Daddy can’t get stressed out. Only mommies are allowed to get stressed out. Well Daddy can get stressed out, too. He’s not the chill, cool guy all the time. Mr. Mueller can see it. This morning he walks into my office eating this big cantaloupe and sprawls out on my couch, which is just what he does. He says, “There’s a shadow hanging over you.” I said, “I know.” He said, “Well, what are you going to do about it?”
Wyatt spots a HAND-CRANK DRILL nearby. He picks it up and studies it.
EXT. NOW A NOT SO NICE QUIET STREET - WINDSOR TERRACE - BROOKLYN - LATER THAT DAY
Outside ANOTHER NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE, Elaine holds a FLYER and waves goodbye to her ELDERLY NEIGHBOR and walks back home.
ELAINE
Caught him stuffing these under the door of every house for two blocks in either direction. Mrs. Zaringhalam tipped me off to it. Such a sweet woman, both daughters are doctors. “Good fences, make good neighbors,” she said. I said “You don’t mean ‘build the wall’ and all that garbage?” She took a spit on the ground. “Vive La Revolution,” she smirked. Love her. Those kids don’t understand what a neighborhood really is.
Elaine waves to another NEIGHBOR sweeping their porch. She inspects the flyer.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
A petition? I mean is he serious? Calls Alan a menace, he’ll love that. Alan’s such a pudgy old fighter. This Hatfields and McCoys routine get’s him out of the basement, so that’s been pleasant. They mostly just give each other the evil eye. The other day, Alan says “He’s gone too far.” “What now?,” I say, “Is he back at it with the Facebook page?” “Worse. Unforgivable. He’s asking for it.” “Asking for what?” “He’s parking in my spot,” he says. “Your spot?” I’ve never understood the ritual of it all, parking in Brooklyn. I thought Alan was cuckoo, but they’re all like that. You can watch on Tuesdays and Fridays as the automotive undead line up their cars in the street. Waiting in solitary confinement until 8:30, when they can return from whence they came. All very sacred. “He’s a monster,” I said. I haven’t seen him worked up like that in ages. It’s a little sexy. He said, “I’ve got his number.” I said, “Just mind the baby.”
Elaine passes Hailey and the baby as Hailey directs the MOVES on how to fit the large couch from earlier through the doorway. They give each other a polite wave.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
Nice of her to get the couch. She had the poor guy sleeping on an air mattress in that window on the top right.
Elaine waves to Wyatt in a WINDOW on the SECOND FLOOR. Wyatt fluffs a PILLOW and pretends not to notice.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
He keeps the lights on all night. Don’t think he sleeps much either.
INT. HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE - THAT EVENING
Wyatt calmly traverses the aisles with a SHOPPING CART.
WYATT
We had to draw up a Will when Charlotte was born. Just in case. Make sure my brother was set as guardian so she wouldn’t end up with Haley’s vicious mother.
He picks up a small HATCHET and adds it to the cart.
WYATT (CONT’D)
Haley doesn’t feel comfortable talking about death. She’s very much a life person. We’re very different in that way. In many ways, but in that way for sure. Death is very natural in architecture. Of the seven wonders, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Lighthouse of Alexandra, only the Great Pyramid survived. I’ve been up the last few nights watching ‘Planet Earth’. Having a little trouble sleeping and things with Haley have been a little...
He picks up a sharp DRILL BIT and adds it to the cart.
WYATT (CONT’D)
Everything’s dying all the time. All around us. When an elephant dies, the pack will hold a funeral. They’ll cover the body with dirt and leaves. Then they’ll move on because that’s what you do. And what happens is, the dead elephant decays and feeds the soil and new plants grow, and other animals eat the dead elephant and their families grow. Things have to die for new, better things to grow. This morning I found a pile of cat shit on the hood of my car.
He picks up a bundle of RUBBER HOSE and adds it to the cart.
WYATT (CONT’D)
Forgot to tell Haley that Mr. Mueller was coming for dinner tonight. She’s obsessed with hosting, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but...After dinner, Mueller took a slow walk around the house, inspecting. The industrial fretwork, the pivot doors accenting the through-view, the emphasis on indoor/outdoor symmetry.
He picks up a tub of HERBICIDE and adds it to the cart.
WYATT (CONT’D)
“It’s a little dark,” he said.
Make that two tubs.
EXT. BACKYARD GARDEN - ALAN & ELAINE'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
The maple tree shakes in the moonlight. Down by the trunk, Wyatt uses his hatchet to cut away the BARK from the tree.
ELAINE (O.C.)
I can see how they pull off all those crazy positions. Wyatt is incredibly limber. He vaulted over the fence very smoothly, with all the tools and everything.
Wyatt uses a manual HAND DRILL to bore into the tree.
ELAINE (O.C.) (CONT’D)
He’s just so driven. It took Alan nearly three months to replace the hot water heater. These kids today, they just get things done. Gives me hope for the future of this country.
Wyatt sticks the small rubber hose into the tree and starts pouring in the herbicide.
ELAINE (O.C.) (CONT’D)
And don’t get me started on their house. Absolutely gorgeous! Wyatt is really something.
Turning around, we see that Elaine is RECORDING Wyatt on her phone.
ELAINE (CONT’D)
The police should be here any minute now.
As the SOUND OF DISTANT SIRENS FADE IN.
ACT THREE
SHOT: THE RED AND BLUE LIGHTS OF A COP CAR.
SHOT: A TUB OF HERBICIDE SPILLING INTO THE GRASS.
SHOT: MANY SLEDGEHAMMER HOLES IN FRESH DRYWALL.
SHOT: A ‘FOR SALE’ SIGN HAMMERED INTO THE GROUND.
EXT. BACKYARD GARDEN - ALAN & ELAINE'S HOUSE - SOME MORNINGS LATER
What’s left of the maple tree sways in the breeze. The tree is in bad shape. It’s lost most of it leaves and slouches against the sky.
Beneath the tree, Alan spruces up the garden.
ALAN
Kenny the arborists says the old girl’s got about a fifty-fifty shot of surviving. Larry, the other arborist, is a bit more optimistic. Lazy millennial, didn’t drill deep enough for the poison to fully seep in. We’re out here now most days raking leaves. It’s good exercise. Elaine read that coffee grounds in the soil help, so we’re both jacked up on caffeine, drinking six cups a day.
Elaine brings out a CUP OF COFFEE for Alan. Elaine pours a little BAILEYS IRISH CREAM into both of their cups.
ALAN (CONT’D)
And we’re screwing like rabbits. Wild stuff. I don’t know where she gets it from, but I’m not complaining.
Alan and Elaine share a passionate kiss then both turn to us.
ALAN (CONT’D)
We’re thinking about remodeling the house.
ELAINE
They did such a nice job next door.
Alan picks up some GARDENING DEBRIS and smiles to Elaine as he chucks it over the fence.
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - MEANWHILE
Haley looks up at the struggling maple tree. She takes a deep breath then turns to head back inside.
INT. DEN - HALEY & WYATT'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Haley maneuvers past a cadre of MOVERS taking BOXES and FURNITURE out of the house.
HALEY
I told her, “You look happier today than you did on my wedding day, mother.” She said, “How is Wyatt?” And I said, “Well, he’s lucky he isn’t a felon.” To which she replied, “How much did you get for the house?” We did well enough considering the market. It seems nobody wants to pay top dollar for a Moroccan inspired walk-in shower. They all want finished basements. I can’t wait to get out of here. This neighborhood is so dead.
EXT. A NICE QUIET STREET - WINDSOR TERRACE, BROOKLYN - CONTINUOUS
Haley escapes outside where she spots Wyatt holding Charlotte near the MOVING TRUCK. Wyatt wears a blinking ANKLE MONITOR. Haley approaches Wyatt and coldly takes Charlotte away from him.
WYATT
My brother keeps ragging on me that he’ll rep Haley if we get divorced, but I think she’s warming up to me. Just a little mad that we had to sell the couch. It just won’t fit at her mother’s place and we can’t afford to rent right now with the loss we took on the house, the lawyer fees and the settlement. I mean I was always planning to sell the house. The restraining order just sped up the timeline a little. I don’t think the neighborhood’s so sad to see us go either.
Alan and Elaine step out onto their porch. Alan takes a seat on the front bench and Elaine waters the plants.
WYATT (CONT’D)
Legally, I’m not allowed to speak to them, but Larry the arborist told Haley that the maple tree may live.
Alan and Elaine give a friendly wave to Wyatt and Haley in a distorted mirror image of our beginning.
WYATT (CONT’D)
I hope they know, I think that’s just great. It really is a beautiful tree.
FADE TO BLACK.
