Helping

FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY - MANHATTAN APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING

JACK and JILL wait in front of an apartment door. They are a couple. They both wear formal evening clothes - Jill in a floor length dress and Jack in a tuxedo.

The sound of faint CRYING can be heard behind the door.

Jill BANGS on the door. She turns to Jack, very serious.

JILL
Do not say a word. Pretend like you’re not even here. Just keep your mouth shut.

JACK
Okay. Can I use the bathroom?

JILL
What is wrong with you?

JACK
I’m not going to say anything.

JILL
You cannot help. You will not be helpful. You understand?

JACK
I — yes.

JILL
What?

JACK
I just think —

JILL
Shut up. Don’t do that. Listen to me. Are you listening to me?

JACK
I’m looking right at you.

JILL
Are. You. Listening. To. Me.

JACK
Yes.
(beat)
You look very pretty today.

JILL
I’m sweaty and pale. I should’ve booked that spray tan.

JACK
I thought you were allergic to those chemicals?

JILL
Who really knows…

JACK
(checking watch)
We have to be there by noon.

JILL
This isn’t about you.

JACK
I know that. I’m just stating — It just all starts at noon.

JILL
And?

JACK
And that’s it. That’s all.

JILL
This is one of my best friends, like top fifteen, and she’s in pain. Do you hear her in there?

The sound of SMASHING GLASS can be heard behind the door and another WAIL.

VOICE BEHIND DOOR
Noooooo!

JACK
She sounds really upset.

JILL
What is wrong with you?

The door flies open. Jill’s best friend EVE stands in the doorway. She’s extremely upset and hungover.

JILL (CONT’D)
(to Eve, sympathetic)
I know. I know.

EVE
I broke a glass. I dropped it.

JILL
I know.

Jill leads Eve to the sofa, leaving Jack standing in the doorway. He’s not sure what to do.

INT. LIVING ROOM - APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Jack meanders into the middle of the living room, trying to stay out of the fray.

EVE
I thought I really liked this guy, but he’s just another massive garbage person. He doesn’t respect me and he just casually lies, like a psycho. I won’t let him gaslight me anymore. Also, he never showers and it’s disgusting. I’m disgusting.

JILL
No! You’re stunningly beautiful and infinitely complex.

EVE
Do I smell bad? You can tell me. Tell me I stink. I’m going to the dermatologist on Wednesday. I think I only sweat on one side of my body.

Jill takes a whiff.

JILL
You smell. You do. A little. But I still love you.

EVE
I had to run last night! Sprint! To catch the G train. Why is it so short? It’s not enough train.

JILL
I know. It’s not fair.

EVE
I’m thirsty. I dropped a glass.

JILL
(to Jack)
Get her some water.

JACK
Water.

Jack heads to the kitchen, but it’s covered in BROKEN GLASS.

JACK (CONT’D)
Watch out. There’s broken glass everywhere in here.

EVE
(wailing)
I DROPPED A GLASS!

JILL
SHE DROPPED A GLASS!

JACK
I’ll just clean this up. Do you have like a little broom and dustpan or…

Jack tries to improvise with some magazines on the counter. He’s not very adept at cleaning.

EVE
(to Jill)
Who is that? In the suit?

JACK
(how does she not recognize me?)
It’s Jack.

JILL
You know Jack.

EVE
Jack?

JILL
Yes. Jack. My partner.

JACK
The boyfriend.

EVE
Keith?

JILL
No, that was —

JACK
We’re friends, Jill. We all went to Block Island together. Last summer, remember?

EVE
I remember Keith.
(to Jill)
You look incredible. Look at your boobs. What shapewear do you use?

JILL
Thanks. We have this stupid thing tonight.

JACK
I’m in a wedding. Eve, you know me. We know each other.

Jack goes to pick up a piece of glass and CUTS himself. He grabs his finger to suck the wound.

JACK (CONT’D)
Ouch! Damn it.

JILL
Do not yell at her! She’s upset.

JACK
No — I wasn’t — I cut myself.

Jack goes over to the women, holding up his BLOODY FINGER.

JACK (CONT’D)
Do you have a Band-Aid? Maybe some peroxide?

JILL
Where’s her water?

JACK
I’m bleeding.

With a disappointed sigh, Jill gets up to grab some water. Eve pulls Jack aside —

EVE
Let’s say you and I have sex…

JACK
(confused)
What?

EVE
And I let you finish inside me since we’ve been semi-monogamous for three months and I have an IUD.

Jack looks over to Jill. Jill’s busy washing a mug to fill.

JACK
(uncomfortable)
Okay…

EVE
And I say what I’m thinking out loud: What if I got pregnant and I needed to get an abortion? But it’s illegal because a bunch of old flaccid men and Amy Coney Island said so.

JACK
(getting worse)
Okay…

EVE
What would you say?

JACK
Oh, uh…Well, I would support you, definitely. Your body, your choice. And also, abortion will probably always be legal in New York, so you’ll be okay. No problem.

Eve just stares at Jack silently for a moment.

JACK (CONT’D)
Can I use your bathroom?

Jill returns with the water. Eve is fuming.

JILL
(to Eve)
What’s wrong?
(to Jack)
What did you do?

EVE
(to Jack)
Have you ever contemplated abortion for even a moment? A micro-second? Do you understand the ignorant words coming out of your own ridiculous mouth? Do you have the capacity to comprehend any part of what you just said?

JILL
(to Jack)
What did you say to her?

JACK
(confused, attacked)
Nothing. I just said if I got her pregnant that I would support her getting an abortion.
(beat)
Her body, her choice.
(beat)
I’m starting to bleed a lot.

EVE
And how does that feel?

Jack looks at his finger and subsequently checks his watch.

JACK
(to JILL)
It’s 11:45.

JILL
I’m not going anywhere with you.

JACK
She asked me. Hypothetically. She asked me and I said I would support her. We really need to leave. I’m sorry, Eve, if I upset you.

JILL
You’re disgusting.

EVE
(to Jack)
Let’s say that after we have sex, and I give you consent to finish, and I’m wearing the IUD, and we talk about my abortion, and you say some horrible, stupid shit, and then, you just make up some ludicrous excuse to leave, like your mother is calling --

Just then, Jack’s phone begins to RING. He takes out his phone.

JACK
(surprised, unsure)
Freaky, uh, sorry, this is my mom calling. Like for real. I just have to —

JILL
Do not answer that phone.

JACK
I have to. And we really should go.

EVE
(incredulous)
Answer the phone! You have to answer it. Mommy is calling. See, this is what always happens. So it is written, so it shall be. Answer the phone, Keith.

JACK
My name is Jack. You know me.
(answering phone)
Hi mom, can I call you —
(to Jill)
Sorry.

Jack bolts out of there.

INT. HALLWAY/STAIRWAY - APARTMENT BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Jack makes sure to leave the apartment door ajar. He holds the phone in one hand and holds his other bleeding hand up above his head. He makes his way down stairs as he talks.

JACK
(into phone)
We’re on our way mom. No, I know this is important. It’s not even noon yet, so — I’m sorry. What? I can’t hear you. I don’t — I don’t have service in here. No, I’m almost there. No, I’m not in the Midtown Tunnel. I know there’s service in the tunnel. I’m not in the Midtown Tunnel. I’m not lying to you. You’re cutting in and out. No, I’m not trying to ruin anything. I just thought — Jill’s friend is very upset and she needed to — Jill is coming, yes. No, the blue dress. I don’t know about a green dress, maybe she didn’t like it. Maybe it didn’t fit. I don’t know. The blue dress looks nice. I never saw the green dress, so I wouldn’t be able to compare.

Jack reaches the bottom, a little dizzy, he wobbles a bit.

JACK (CONT’D)
Whoa.
(recovering, into phone)
Nothing, I’m just a little lightheaded.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Jack exits the building, being careful to leave the door ajar. He stands by a man, ADAM, smoking a vape pen in flip flop sandals.

JACK
(into phone)
Yes, mom that must be it. I must be high. I’m high and late to my sister’s wedding because I’m a bad son, a bad brother, a bad boyfriend, and a bad man. What? No, I’m not going to repeat that. I have full bars, it must be you. You’re going through the Midtown Tunnel? So you’re not even there yet? Hello? I lost you.

Jack hangs up the phone. He takes a deep breath...of smoke from Adam’s vape pen. He coughs.

ADAM
My bad, man.
(eyeing Jack)
Late night? Me too, bro.

JACK
Do you happen to have a Band-Aid?

ADAM
Nada. Maybe try the bodega?

Jack spots the bodega next store. He starts off, but before he can go —

ADAM (CONT’D)
Hold up. Can I ask you a question?

JACK
I’m running a bit late —

ADAM
If you got a two-AM text from a girl you’ve been hooking up with for a minute, asking you to come over, and you lived in Bed-Stuy, but you got your ass on the train and went over there, and after you finished doing the deed, she asked what you would do if she had to get an abortion, and she was like ‘say something’. What would you say?

JACK
I really need to get a Band-Aid.

ADAM
You would bounce right?! Life’s too short. Thank you, dude!

Jack enters the bodega next door. Adam takes one more big puff on his vape pen before entering the apartment building through the slightly open door, closing it shut behind him.

Jack returns with a box of children’s branded Band-Aids, which he struggles to open. He goes to the door, which is locked.

Jack pushes the intercom button. No answer. He pushes a few more times.

JACK
(into intercom)
Hey, I got locked out. Can you buzz me up?

JILL’S VOICE
(through intercom)
Did you tell your mother that I couldn’t fit into the green dress?

JACK
(into intercom, unsure)
What? No. I didn’t say that.

EVE’S VOICE
(through intercom)
You need to leave. I don’t want to talk to you.

JACK
(into intercom)
I’m sorry! Whatever I said, I was wrong.

EVE’S VOICE
(through intercom)
Get out!

JACK
(into intercom)
It was a hypothetical!

All quiet, then — BUZZ. The door opens. Jack goes in.

INT. HALLWAY/STAIRWAY - APARTMENT BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Jack lumbers up the stairs. Jill yells at him from the top of the stairs, but we can’t see her yet.

JILL’S VOICE
Your mother called me!

JACK
I’m sorry! I told her we were on our way. She’s just nervous!

JILL’S VOICE
You told her I was upset?! Why would you do that? It’s your sister’s wedding day!

JACK
I told her your friend was upset. She doesn’t listen to me.

JILL’S VOICE
And yet, you tell her every little insignificant thing. You tell her what you have for breakfast every morning because you’re her precious, tiny, little baby.

JACK
What did my mother say this time?

Jack can see Jill staring down at him from the railing now.

JILL
She’s upset.

JACK
Wait, I thought she said you were upset?

JILL
She’s upset that she thinks I’m upset, because I think I’m fat. And she thinks I’m fat, but she’ll just let your father tell me that in one of his creepy little ‘jokes’.

JACK
Did she actually say any of this?

JILL
She said she’s stuck in the Midtown Tunnel and that you need to meet the florist in the ballroom with the key to the loading gate.

JACK
Okay, but I don’t have the key to the loading gate.

JILL
And I don’t give a shit about any of this.

JACK
Okay, then we really need to get going.

Jack makes it to the top of the stairs.

EVE’S VOICE
(from inside apartment)
Adam, I said leave!

JACK
JACK!

JILL
What are you doing?

JACK
She doesn’t know my name and it’s driving me insane.

JILL
No, she was just screwing with you before. That guy she’s been seeing is here. Adam.

JACK
What?

JILL
Yeah, he snuck in.
(then)
You’re bleeding on your shirt.

JACK
(noticing)
Shit.

Jack goes into the apartment to wash his shirt and hand.

INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Just as Jack makes his way to the sink, a SANDAL come flying past his head. Jack spins to see Adam, from downstairs, and Eve in the middle of an argument. Adam is now barefoot and Eve has his other sandal.

EVE
(to Adam)
I feel really attacked right now and I need space!

ADAM
(to Eve)
Come on! We’re just talking.
(to Jack)
Sorry bro.
(bad Mike Myers impression)
”Who throws a shoe? Honestly!” Austin Powers.
(to Eve)
Hey, this is the guy! He agrees, what you were saying was a trap and I’m not about that shit.

EVE
(to Jack)
Keith, what is your deal, man? I thought we were friends.

As Eve and Adam approach, Jill appears in the doorway.

JILL
Jack, your mother is calling me again. We really need to leave.

Jack focuses all his energy on washing the blood off of his shirt.

ADAM
(to Eve, compassionate)
Babe, just listen. I’ll never truly know or understand what struggles you as a woman have to endure. The daily indignities and constant assaults on your autonomy. A patriarchal culture that refuses to see you as more than the Madonna or the whore. All I can do, as an ally, is just try to lift up -- OWWW! FUCK ME!

And with that, Adam has stepped onto the broken glass on the floor with his bare feet.

ADAM (CONT’D)
There’s broken glass here!

EVE
Oh my God! Babe!

JILL
(to Adam)
Are you okay? Get to the sink and wash it out.

ADAM
This really stings!

EVE
I have Neosporin in the bathroom. Hold on. I’m so sorry, babe!

ADAM
No, I’m sorry, babe!

JILL
Jack, move!

Jill helps Adam to the kitchen sink. Adam sticks his bloody foot in Jack’s face. Jack narrowly scoots around them.

Jack stands in the doorway as Jill and Eve tend to Adam. He musters his courage to say —

JACK
If we were all in a semi-monogamous relationship for around three
months, and I took the train from deep Brooklyn into the Upper West Side at two-AM to have unprotected sex with you all, because you were on effective birth control, and after we finished, you ask me what I would say if you were to get pregnant and wanted to get an abortion, but in this instance abortion is illegal due to our broken political system and it’s insistence on policing women’s bodies, I would say — I would say —

JILL
Jack, what are you doing?

JACK
I’m trying to say the right thing.

JILL
Don’t try to be helpful right now. You’re not being helpful. Get us a cab and I’ll meet you downstairs. We have to go.

JACK
(simply)
I love you. I want you to know that. I do really love you.

JILL
Okay, I love you too. Just go get the car.

JACK
Okay. I’ll get a car.
(realizing, pulling out Band-Aids)
Oh, I have Band-Aids if that helps? Can I use the bathroom really fast?

CUT TO BLACK.
THE END.